Disposable People!

The internet has made relationships easier to throw away, and even harder to get into.

Illustration by Kikuo Johnson

Illustration by Kikuo Johnson

I just read an article titled A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy at The Atlantic.  The prevalent theme was that because the internet has put the ability to have a nearly endless stream of opportunities to meet someone new at the tips of our fingers, people in general don’t feel the need to stick to the relationship they have.  Essentially, a person can chose to simply leave the person the are are with, hop online, and find several new opportunities within hours, even minutes of making the decision.

PROS:

  • No need to stay in a relationship that is abusive.
  • No need to stay in a relationship if you are no longer mentally/spiritually/sexually compatible or attracted to your partner.
  • Easier to find a diverse group of people to date in order to find the right one(s) to spend time with.
  • You become acutely aware that there are many, many people who you are compatible with.
  • Having an online presence means that people looking to meet someone new will constantly approach you.
  • You can take as many words as you need to give people a nuanced, diverse view of who you are, what you want, and what you stand for.

CONS:

  • Impatient people will abandon a relationship without taking time to address whatever it is that is wrong with the relationship and attempting to fix it.
  • You become acutely aware that your partner has many, many other options.
  • Gambling that you will find someone better is a complex equation that involves factors that few people are willing to honestly address.  Your age, sex, gender, relationship history, and baggage are just a small sample of those factors.
  • It can stop you from fully investing in the relationship(s) you are in.
  • Most people aren’t concerned with you being in a relationship. If you have an online presence, you will be approached by people who want to poach you away for themselves.
  • People often lie in the real world, to our faces.  Online, people lie a lot more frequently because they have no fear of being held accountable for their words.  They lie in a way that allows them to create elaborate fictions that they can pass off as themselves

Case In Point:

Turbo is a buddy of mine that we call “Turbo” because it’s easily the most cruel nickname we could come up with.  Turbo is a rock-solid friend.  He’s the kind of man that the Marquis de Carabas would trust his egg to.  Unfortunately, none of that helps Turbo with women because he is one of the most boring of men that a woman will ever meet.  The Team has set him up on dates with lots of women, women that come from all walks of life; they cover a spectrum of interests and diversities.  Not a single one of those women will ever trust me to set them up again.  Turbo then discovered the online dating scene!  Over the course of one weekend he’d set up profiles all across the internet, looking for the woman that would click with him.  It worked! Turbo had three dates set up for the next week.  I was impressed, until I actually saw what his online profiles looked like.  Turbo didn’t just exaggerate the truth a bit.  Turbo told outright lies about himself, his career, and his lifestyle.  I tried to reason with him; I tried to explain that he was going to waste a lot of time and energy setting himself up under false pretense.  Fast forward 30 days later, Turbo not only learned a hard lesson, he wasted the time of women who took him at his word, he wasted money registering on web sites that only work when you are honest, and he lost a bit of self-respect in the process.

UPDATE!

Turbo has really changed his life around, he’s embraced quite a bit of Red-Pill reality, changed his manner of thinking from “The way the world ought to be.”  to “The way the world is.”  He hit the gym, found a hobby, and decided to become them man he once advertised himself as!

This article has caused quite a bit of conversation between my friends and I over tea.  Here are a few anecdotal excerpts and quotes that I’d enjoy hearing your opinion on.

* The argument is that online dating expands the romantic choices that people have available, somewhat like moving to a city. And more choices mean less satisfaction.

* Does online dating increase or decrease commitment or its related states, like marriage?

* “Historically, relationships have been billed as ‘hard’ because, historically, commitment has been the goal. You could say online dating is simply changing people’s ideas about whether commitment itself is a life value.”

* “I think divorce rates will increase as life in general becomes more real-time…It’s exhilarating to connect with new people…People always said that the need for stability would keep commitment alive. But that thinking was based on a world in which you didn’t meet that many people.”

* “Societal values always lose out…As we become more secure and confident in our ability to find someone else, usually someone better, monogamy and the old thinking about commitment will be challenged very harshly.”

To see more of what’s posted on Sex Life, click here.

One comment

  1. Angela Grant

    Hi Yusef,
    With online dating there is usually only a virtual connection even after several weeks of dating. Proximity plays an important role and so do memorable moments together along with increasing connection to family and friends. If those things are lacking, it’s easy to walk away because time is ticking.

    Unfortunately, there are still many Turbos ( the old turbo) out there who create suspicion making it easy to walk away.

    I think online dating also works the other way around, where you get accustomed to life without someone special. Personally, I think dating was hard work. -Angela

    Like

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