God Mode: Profile Writing, How To Not Sound Stupid.

God Mode is what happens when you discover the ultimate hack, the cheat code that unlocks invulnerability, that special item that makes everyone else look like they are standing still while you’re flying circles around the earth.  Think of J.R.R. Tolkiens’ One Ring, only better!

Besides my stunning good looks, the thing that I am complemented on most is my writing.  I’ve helped quite a few of my friends to re-write their profiles and they have all seen a big boost in people wanting to get to know them better, professional and personally.   It was trial and error in the beginning, now I have a formula that works consistently across all platforms.  Save your profile the way it is, then go with my method for a month, if you don’t see an improvement then you can always go back to the way it was.  All I ask is that you leave your results or ideas on how to improve my system in the comments section.

“Me Talk Pretty One Day.”

Our profiles are the first way that people find out if they want to connect with someone they see on line.  From Facebook to WordPress, what people are looking for doesn’t change.  The first thing people are looking for is not whether or not you are good or bad, it’s whether or not you’re stupid.  You may be the brightest, most articulate person in the room if you are talking to someone face-to-face but if that doesn’t translate into the way you write, you’ll be passed over and dismissed.

The first, and arguably most important part of presenting yourself online is spelling words correctly and avoiding poor punctuation.  The fun part is that you don’t have to actually know how to string words together it in order to look like a clever wordsmith!  I use a two-step process.

I write everything in Microsoft word because it catches all the simple mistakes and grammatical errors.  It also has a little used feature called The Flesch-Kincaid readability test.  You can see what grade level your writing is at after you are done with spell check.  I shoot for 8th grade.  Most of you will find that insulting, all I ask is that you consider that I want to be accessible to a wider audience.

I learned this lesson early in my academic life; writing at a university level in a social situation alienates people.  I took my cues from the most widely read newspapers in the country and found out that the goal reading level for them is 6th-8th grade.  There will always be some far above or below that level, but 6th-8th is the usual.

The second step is cutting and pasting it into a free online service that allows me to test my writing against the level I am shooting for.  I use http://www.paperrater.com because it allows me to “Select the education level of this paper’s author” and “Select the type of paper you are submitting”.  I can actually force myself to write at a higher level when needed.  I don’t release anything unless it scores a “B” or higher.

On a technical note, try to avoid paragraphs longer than seven lines.  That’s when attention spans run dry and eyes wander.  Make the things you write easy on the eyes and easily digestible.  I break this rule a lot.

   “Content Is King!”

Every successful blogger and professional journalist goes by this golden rule.  Writing something well, and in depth is more important than writing something fun, popular, or trendy.  Consider that you’ve just read seven paragraphs about how to write.  It’s engaging but not that exciting.  I’m OK with that.

Don’t misrepresent yourself online.  Be the person you are in the real world.  After all, isn’t your goal to meet some of your online friends in real life?  If you’re the biggest, baddest Mah-Jongg player this side of China, talk about it!  Post links to tournaments you’ve won or clubs you belong to.  There may only be a handful of people in your area who play the same game, but if you connect with a few of them you’ll have made a solid connection with people who “get it” and can relate to you.

For example, since the inception of my blog, blacksmiths and bloggers from all over the world have contacted me and I’ve become part of a network of like-minded men and women who help each other.  That’s because I write about my personal journey and how I learned my lessons, often the hard way.

Be who you are in real life, online.  I don’t just mean with the fun subjects either.  I’m a very opinionated man with views that are far from socially correct, lots of people do not like that part of me at all.  That’s OK!  What being one of the few people willing to truly and honestly discuss his views in an unfiltered way I have made friends and gained respected enemies because I choose to be who I am in real life online.

 “What do you bring to the table?”

Don’t be afraid to tell anyone who looks at your profile why you’re someone worth getting to know better.  If your idea of a good time is watching subtitled documentaries and snacking on cheese, you should say so.  There is probably a group of people who regularly get together for the same things you are interested in, find them.  If you have an encyclopedic knowledge of every professional UFC fighter, flaunt it!  Whatever quirky, idiosyncratic details make up parts of who you are should be on display.  Don’t waste your time or theirs by pretending to be “Normal” (shudder) I hate that word.  I’ve often said that “normal” is a word that people use to scare each other into compliance.

Too many people get it backwards; they say, “What I need is (blah, blah, blah)!”  Avoid that trap, remember that it’s better to let people know what you’re all about so that everyone will want to say hello rather than excluding people because they aren’t “(blah, blah, blah)!”  Besides, how you classify someone and how he or she classifies himself or herself, will rarely be the same thing.

“Say Cheese!”

Please, please don’t take a “selfie”.  Have someone else hold the camera.  The best option is to talk to all of your friends that are amateur or professional photographers and offer them all the same deal.  “Let me take you out for a nice lunch/dinner, or perhaps pay their way to a local event in return for a nice set of pictures.  Tell them that they are pictures the photographer can use in their portfolio as well.  Take at least two different outfits.  The good thing about digital photography is that after you take pictures in all the poses that your photographer suggests, you can pose the way you like.  Make no mistake; listen to the photographer first and without argument!  If they weren’t good at what they do, you wouldn’t have asked them to take your picture.

MEN: 

Council

This picture was not an accident.

It’s hard to go wrong in a suit or uniform.  Even if it’s only a picture from the waist-up, a nice blazer or jacket and a tie that really shines makes almost any man look much more desirable to women and comes across as serious to men.  If you don’t have a suit, you need one anyway so here’s one more reason to get it.  The minimum every man should have is a jet-black suit, a French-cuffed pure-white shirt with cufflinks, and three ties.  A blood red “power tie”, black for funerals or deadly serious business, and a pastel color tie for things that don’t fall into either category.  Expand from there.  If you don’t have any cufflinks, go to EBAY and spend $10 on a pair of antique Swank brand cufflinks. If those aren’t your style, just buy a bulk lot of cufflinks, you can get dozens of vintage pairs for less than $10 there as well.

Your second outfit should be something fun.  Jeans and a t-shirt with your crew/gym/posse/clique/cult/family crest/personal logo are the best bet.  Feel free to experiment with looking good in your kilt, ethnic ensemble, or Hugh Heffner robe.  If you have the courage for it, go bare-chested with jeans.  Don’t worry about your belly, or if your abs are tight enough.  Shirtless conveys a sense of pride power if you go for it.  Example: PUTIN!

It doesn’t matter if you are going with a power-beard, scruffy, or clean-shaven make sure it’s not by accident!  Blow the dust off your wallet and have a professional barber shave it.  Take him a picture of the way you want to look, and if he says “that’s not right for you” listen!  Have him show you a few looks that he thinks should work.  If you don’t like his suggestions, DO WHAT HE SAYS ANYWAY!  If he weren’t a professional, you wouldn’t be asking him to shave you anyway.

Tip:  Don’t smile in the picture.  Research has proven repeatedly that men who smile are rated less attractive to women and less feared/respected by men.  Also, make one of the pictures be you doing something active.  I don’t care what.  Chess, building something, filleting a fish you caught, shooting pool, be a man of action, if all else fails, borrow a tough-guy pose.

Women:

In your descriptions, avoid using the word “No”, and don’t use sentences that say “I don’t….” or “I’m not into…”  If there are things you aren’t interested in, don’t pretend to be.  Alternatively, you don’t want to be seen as negative.  Too many good women loose options by focusing on what they aren’t, instead of highlighting what they are. 

Just like the men, don’t be like the rest.  Here are two ideas for your pictures.  If your picture is for a relaxed, social-networking site, pull off a fun but respected look.  If all the other woman are in skimpy outfits or all nude, model yours off vintage Jackie Kennedy or contemporary Sade Adu.  Remember, the pictures you take should make you stand out to anyone, not simply blend in with the rest.

Alternatively, if you are on a site with lots of deadly serious women who take their fashion cues from powerful women like Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Clinton, be a little different.  Wear a knee-length sundress and flats with a simple make-up scheme and flowing hair.  Go even further with Dianna Ross style floor length, diva dress, stand out!  Just don’t do Marilyn Monroe, she’s trite, and overdone.

Tip:  Always smile!  If you saw the link earlier, you’ll know that research has proven that women who smile are rated more attractive and approachable by men and women.  Remember, don’t be afraid to pose!

As always folks, everything I suggest works perfectly 100% of the time, so if my advice doesn’t work, you’re doing it wrong.  Have fun, and keep me posted!

~Watt

YusefWateef (AT) Gmail.com

 To see more on Life Skills, click here. To see more on God Mode, click here.

9 comments

  1. Jess

    LOL…wait. I can’t get past “my stunning good looks!!” I’ll finish reading this after I actually get over the fact that you actually wrote that!!!

    Like

  2. Walker

    I don’t even understand how I stopped up right here, but
    I believed this submit was great. I do not recognise who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger in case you aren’t already.
    Cheers!

    Like

  3. Pingback: How To Write. | Yusef Wateef, Adventurer!
  4. Pingback: God Mode: The Hawai’i Hustle! | Yusef Wateef, Adventurer!

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