Beignet is the most recent of men to ask me a question that up until now, I hadn’t given the attention it deserves. Because I chose to take the world by storm and live the life I chose, I am always under the scrutiny of people who are either trying to justify to themselves why their lack of profundity is acceptable, or, much to my delight, are looking for answers on how to jump-start their own lives, dreams, goals and ambitions. The way I have.
Watt: How’s life out there?
Beignet: Bah. Humbug. I just need a few things to break and then I will be good. But I’m just running my paces now. How is China?
B: Are you worried you live for the moment too much?
W: Please elaborate.
B: Fair statement, and I probably should have qualified it earlier. Out of all my friends, I am probably the one who is more akin to the rock. I stay strong, nothing fazes me.
Throughout my childhood, I usually didn’t have too much. I was happy enough, but I definitely didn’t have what I wanted to have. Ergo, I’ve not been materialistic… but I have always been concerned about tomorrow.
So I’m always worried about where my next… whatever will come from. I have money saved up. And I am comfortable. But I’m definitely not happy.
I’d love to just get up and quit, but I see how many of my friends are totally in a bad place, because they can’t seem to catch a break, and it makes me more grateful that I just haven’t up and quit. But at the same time, what does it matter if I’m not happy? I’m just wondering how you balance it all? You seem to be a free spirit. Happy and carefree. Enjoying life… while I seem to be rather constrained. Are you worried that when it comes to retirement age, you won’t be able to make do? How do you balance your future needs and your present wants?
What’s really funny is as I sit here I am frustrated with my job because its what I want to do, but I am stifled by the powers that be and I realize how much of my soul I have lost these last 5 yrs.
I’d love to bounce more ideas off you.
Beignet: Are you worried you live for the moment too much?
I’ll start with the direct answer to a direct question.
I don’t live in the moment too much, but I do live in the moment. I live “in the moment” every minute of every day.
What a moment is.
For me, a moment can last a minute, a day, or a year. I live in several moments at the same time, all the time.
Not a single one of the moments’ I live in, or have had in the past would have been possible had I sacrificed the long-term happiness that travelling the world, fighting, being loved by and loving women all over the world brings me. I choose self-discovery over the false security and self-delusion that “Safety” would have enticed me with.
People who love you and care about you desperately want you to be as predictably miserable as they are. Unless you have the responsibility of raising a child, you need to cut the mooring and set your own course in life.
Are you worried that when it comes to retirement age, you won’t be able to make do? How do you balance your future needs and your present wants?
Living in the moment has never meant living recklessly or without an acute awareness of opportunity costs. I save 30% of every dollar I earn. Period. It doesn’t matter how much or how little I earn. 30% of my income, liquid, is a nest egg that I have used to plan my retirement, save me in case of emergencies, and serve as “Fuck You Money”.
You claim that your job, and “the powers that be” are stifling you. I disagree, you are allowing yourself to be stifled by not simply refusing to redefine the rules of the game you’re playing.
A bonus of travelling the world I discovered a long time ago, is that I can retire to a better quality of life, with less money, and younger, to several countries all over the world. The American media, combined with men who chose “Comfort”, will try to seduce you into believing that life anywhere else is unbearable and not worth it.
They lie more out of ignorance than malevolence.
Beignet: I was happy enough, but I definitely didn’t have what I wanted to have.
Let’s unpack that sentence. I think that if you are happy, then you DO have everything you need. I am a rabid fan of selfishness and capitalism, but I know that “things” can never replace “Experiences”.
Most men collect “things”, I collect experiences.
Go out and talk to the oldest person you can find and ask them what’s important in life. My grandmother died at 101 years old. Her husband, my grandfather died before I was born. When she was still lucid, she told me stories of her life. She told me SEVERAL TIMES that she didn’t regret the things she did, none of it. She only regretted the things she didn’t do!
You told me that you grew up with not much. That means it stands to reason that all of the academic accomplishments and degrees you have were hard earned, but can never be taken away. Your mind will get better with age; your drive will dwindle if you don’t use it.
Stepping out of my comfort zone.
A moment started when I decided to leave the USA. I was 19. Since then, I’ve been living in that moment every day. Even when I was back home in the USA, I was in the moment and planning my next trip abroad. I’ve spent years travelling the world and I’ve lived in sixteen countries, across four continents. In some places for months, years in others. I am still in that moment, writing to you from a street side café, watching bright lights advertising everything from movies to massages in downtown Shanghai, China.
A moment started when I began training in Weight-Lifting, Martial Arts and found my love for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I’ve trained with everyone from world-class fighters and competitors to men who use martial arts to stay mentally focused and just have fun after work as well as countless other types of men with innumerable motivations. That moment has lasted for over a decade.
A moment started when I watched a video on Blacksmithing and ended after nearly two years of forging my own knives. That moment can start again as soon as I find a new shop.
Beignet: “And I am comfortable. But I’m definitely not happy.”
That’s entirely your fault. A man that makes the sad attempt at trading happiness in exchange for comfort ends up with neither. You are a man, what need have you for comfort?
That was not a rhetorical question, please email me privately, or leave an answer below.
Seek comfort if you must, but not for its own sake. Give it to your parents, brothers, and sisters if they need it, or, in moderation, the women you choose to love. Just don’t seek comfort for yourself. Comfort is debilitating to a man’s drive to win in life. Comfort should be rooted out and drowned like a runt puppy.
Beignet: I’m just wondering how you balance it all?
I am a control freak. It grates my nerves to say that I do not have a fine-tuned control over every aspect of my life. The balance I achieved comes from planning in one, three, and five-year slots. They are broken down into tiny days and months when needed. I start with the end in mind and do a step-by-step until I get there.
I know that sometimes my plans fail and fall apart. That’s OK. Travel and exploration give you a set of critical thinking skills that are hard to define. When things go wrong, you deal with it.
Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won’t. Over time, you will succeed, more and more often because you will have a vast library of experience to draw from.
If you want help planning, please, just ask.
Beignet: I’d love to just get up and quit, but I see how many of my friends are totally in a bad place, because they can’t seem to catch a break, and it makes me more grateful that I just haven’t up and quit.
Your friends aren’t in a bad place because they can’t catch a break;
YOUR FRIENDS ARE IN A BAD PLACE BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A BREAK!
To be clear, your friends are men bereft of the self-actualization needed to be more than they are, and the men they want to be. It is their own fault. So long as you listen to that line of reasoning, or believe that it’s valid for anyone, you’ll believe it’s valid for you. Then you will continue to be comfortable, but not happy.
Eventually, the comfort will go away. However,by the time you notice it, you will have already have slid into a cycle of misery and unhappiness that you won’t have the strength or integrity to get out of. I have seen it happen top people over the years. It’s pitiful and revolting to see a man cry and complain about his life. Rather, it’s sad to see a man cry and complain as they ask “Why didn’t I just______when I still had the chance?”
Who told them that they deserved a break? How do they (or you for that matter) assert and/or justify your belief in DESERVING a break?!
That was not a rhetorical question, please email me privately, or leave an answer below.
Beignet: You seem to be a free spirit. Happy and carefree. Enjoying life… while I seem to be rather constrained.
I am a free spirit, I am happy.
I am NOT carefree!
I have all the same problems you do. There is no hardship that is unique to a man’s life experience. The only difference is how we handle them.
Yes, you are “Constrained”. That’s why I am writing this.
Beignet: I stay strong, nothing fazes me.
I challenge that assertion!
You have yet to step into an unpredictable situation that will shake you to the core of your being, in a faraway land, surrounded by people who don’t even speak the same language as you do, with nothing but your wits and an indomitable spirit to see you through.
When you make the decision to step out into the great unknown, I’ll be there, preparing a place at the table for you. Until then, please tell me what I can do for you, or anyone else reading this who can benefit from my experiences.
If what I wrote helps, send $5 in BitCoin to this address.
It’ll buy me coffee to fuel my mind while I write!
YusefWateef (at) Gmail (dot) com