Men: Do Something Painful & Seek Discomfort

Thesis Statement

For Men, spirituality is a means to an end that manifests in the physical world, even though it begins and ends in his mind. Men achieve spirituality through action. These actions have the *side effect* of attracting women and being invited into the company of other successful Men.

Man, With A Capital “M”!

Sitting with Slash (not his real name, unfortunately) I was forced to really dig into what I believed Manhood is. I use the capital “M” as a way to differentiate the Manhood you may be born with from Manhood, something you must achieve take for yourself. There is a very specific formula that I was taught and subscribe to that I gave him. It’s something I sincerely believe will allow him to have the same social success, personal pride, and respect from others that I enjoy.

 Do Something Painful & Seek Discomfort

I have never wanted to be a professional athlete, though I have always tried to maintain myself well physically. I train in Power Building, Weight Lifting, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Grappling. For other Men it’s Track & Field, Wrestling, Boxing, Fencing, or any one of the hundreds of contrivances Men devised that tax us physically. Being a Man that has a healthy competitiveness and a respectable body is arguably the cornerstone of Manhood.

Being able to do violence often prevents it from occurring. Have a body that looks like it can defend itself when needed and you’ll hardly ever have to. The added benefit is that women, far more often than not want a Man who can physically protect them, even if he may never have to. Women may settle for Men who don’t appear physically competent but desire one who is. Emphasis on desire, not to be confused with want or need.

Being “in shape” isn’t something that can be borrowed or faked. It stands on its own as a clear testament to a Mans dedication, his commitment to a goal. Other Men respect you more and women find you far more desirable. It also sets the stage for a longer, healthier life.

To be clear, everyone associates being fat and/or obese with being lazy and stupid. It often has nothing to do with either, but when you have to start a relationship or friendship from a place of having to prove that you are not lazy and stupid you’ve lost before you’ve begun. Life is an unfair, competitive race, do everything you can to give yourself an unfair advantage.

If you have already read Men: Build / Create / Make Something! or Men: Be Shark Minded! , then you already know that when Phyllis, founder of me to pen a piece on “The cross of the need for spiritual growth and the best of the masculine identity”, I searched for the correct framework and context for quite some time. Once I’d had a conversation with Slash, a man who asked my advice on some of the things all men deal with, I knew it would form the source material for what she wanted from me. I am going to break down and illustrate the points I made and insights I shared with him through our conversation. I’ll break it up into chunks so that I can really dig into the finer points of how I rationalized my advice. I’m looking forward to your insights as well.

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YusefWateef (at) Gmail (dot) com


  1. Anonymous

    It seems that the actions you are suggesting he take for spirituality and manhood have more to do with the physical body than in other areas of life. Are you advising that he start establishing his Manhood through honing his body first?


      • Anonymous

        I can see how that could be a catalyst for changing. Personally, I believe that the trick is trusting that the other areas of your life really will simply adjust around your commitment and focus on your physical development. Understanding the concept in theory and truly believing it is so is a gap that can be difficult to cross.


  2. honeydip1175

    Though..This is an awesome.. straight to the point article.. love it

    I have conflict with this..Women may settle for Men who don’t appear physically competent, but desire one who is. 
    Women I believe have a different mental goal (religion pending) breed in DNA maybe.. we look of protection, absolute love, loyalty, sex u all night satisfaction, mental stimulation and etc.. Basically, we look for that superman..if he is in-shape physically then that’s an added bonus to mentally being in-shape..


    • YusefWateef

      You hit the nail on the head. That’s why women pursue a “Dual Mating Strategy” . It’s rarely spoken about in regards to how women use it. Women roughly divide men into either “Beta Provider” or “Alpha Male” categories. “Beta Provider” is the man who will love a woman unconditionally, be an excellent father, decent, and respectful. His only drawback is that they rarely, if ever appeal to the need for passion, excitement, and leadership that most woman have. Therefore, he cannot fulfil her sexually. The “Alpha Male” is usually the man who is self indulgent, self reliant, lives without regret, and has no intention on valuing a woman based on her sense of self worth, he values woman based on their worth to him. Because success with women is a microcosm of success in life, he does not have to negotiate with a woman for sex and attention because he can have both needs met with an abundance of choices. Not being needy is one of the single greatest attraction triggers for women. You often hear about men having a “Madonna/Whore Complex”.–whore_complex

      Superman does not and never will exist. When given a choice, women would like a man to be Clark kent outside the bedroom, and superman when she wants him to. Women want superman to impress her friends, and satisfy her in the bedroom. Some women also tend to prefer getting pregnant by the Alpha dog, and pass it off as the Beta guys kid.

      What do women want? It depends on the time of the month. UCLA researchers publish landmark meta-analysis of sexual preferences at ovulation–wdw021414.php

      From UCLA “Women’s sexual strategies: The evolution of long-term bonds and extrapair sex.”

      Sexy Guys Get More Love from Fertile Gals

      In the real world, women are able to pair off with a man who will provide, and keep lover(s) to satisfy their need for dominating, satisfying sex.


  3. Jelonda

    First, I agree with Honeydip’s assertion about what women seek. But about the thesis and conclusion…

    Do something painful and seek discomfort. I think that is an awesome way to gain spirituality! Pain and discomfort force you to grow and develop new muscles. Fitness is great because after you accomplish a seemingly impossible task, it gives you the confidence to go out and face an even bigger task. But it doesn’t only have to be physical pain, it can be mental and emotional pain and discomfort that also brings growth. Working on the outside is great. You’ll attract people to you, but I’m not sure it leads you closer to spirituality. Working on the inside radiates. People are drawn to what’s beneath the surface. When you work on what’s on the inside, and you seek pain and discomfort internally, that’s what will bring your closer to spirituality. Peace and blessings!


  4. mo

    It is important to remember the strong mind body connection we have. Pushing ourselves past our limits or even having the courage to attempt it is truly a mental strength. On the other hand in our modern world evolution has honed us into picking partners that can provide. Physical strength is not always a must for a strong provider. One can be intelligent or crafty and still get seemingly solid results. Lastly as we talk about what women “want”, there is a duality of what women desire and who they marry.


  5. Josie

    25/F/US here. The prescriptions you’ve made are a no-brainer but all I’ve seen from men of my generation thus far is a crop of human beings who can barely manage to put on a clean shirt before venturing forth from their basement caves to buy more Cheetos once they tire of porn and video games.

    This is stuff that the pre-Internet generation of men already knows because they lived in a world where they couldn’t choose to live vicariously through a computer screen. They could either sit around doing absolutely nothing or they could figure out how to “do stuff” (career, hobbies, etc) that would allow them to “get stuff” (success, money, women). Nowadays, men can cultivate surrogate manliness going on raids in WoW and accumulating high scores in CoD. They can sate their sexualities through cheap, free porn and retreat into the culture of neckbeardism that celebrates being a socially-inept out-of-shape miscreant instead of being motivated to make themselves in any way distinguishable from the herd.

    There is a remarkable difference between men under the age of 30 (men who grew up with the internet) versus men older than 30 (men who were raised in a pre-internet age). Sure, we talk about differing rates of maturity between men and women being to blame but that’s not the absolute truth. For one thing, average ages of adulthood (meaning financial independence, starting a career, entering marriage) have changed throughout time as lifestyles have evolved and human life expectancy has lengthened; in previous decades, men ascended into adulthood earlier. For another, our biology has basically remained the same– human beings aren’t hitting sexual maturity later in life, so men and women in their mid-twenties are still primed to reproduce. (Sure, guys can still impregnate women for a long time after that and women can seek reproductive therapy but their parenting abilities change as they age.) Point being, its not impossible for a twenty-seven year old man to be successful but in the Internet era, apparently, it’s optional.

    To be fair, I love the internet and I think video games are really fun. I know functional guys who have a good balance in their life– they have their shit together so they can afford to spend a few hours shooting Nazis or rescuing Elven princesses. Men who have never known a life without the internet, though, have lulled themselves into a false sense of accomplishment through a collection of pixels on a computer screen.

    Your recommendations are great– but what young man could be bothered to follow them? Its too much work, people are too fake, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to be too expensive and I’ve got student loans.  Better just sit here, put my headset back on, and fap before I knock out this mission.

    I would love nothing more than to be proven wrong on this point. Until then, I’ll be here, fielding another OkCupid message from a dude who still lives in the same bedroom he grew up in…


  6. Lady Cheetah

    The sentence “The cross of the need for spiritual growth and the best of the masculine identity”, left me a bit confused so I am not sure if my translation would be correct. I read it as “all who desire spiritual growth must carry his cross in order to yield the best of all that is masculine in his being and identity.” If that is correct, then here is what I think.

    Thesis statement: Well, since I am definitely NOT a man I would have to go based on what I have observed within the church, employment, etc. I agree men value their worth based on what they do and what they achieve. I had the pleasure of working with all males at one point and many of their conversations centered on what they have achieved. For them that was the height of what it meant to be a man.

    From a Christological perspective spirituality is not the means of exchange i.e., as one barters to obtain goods. Rather spirituality is a result based upon the ongoing redemptive work of God through Jesus Christ, with the emphasis being upon God and his work through the recipient, in this case man. The channels in which spirituality (or more to the point fruit of the Spirit or character) is achieved by the Holy Spirit through pruning, chastening, refining via every day life whether it be unemployment, death of a loved one, etc.

    If I had to reconcile your thesis and my statement, then I would say, the spiritual eventually becomes natural. That which is unseen becomes seen and made visible through one’s actions.

    If the cross as previously mentioned in the beginning of the blog equates to doing something that results in pain and discomfort, yes that is a cross. However, there are many who think they are carrying a cross when it really is a crop of crap: a series of bad decisions that lead to pain and discomfort. A cross represents pain and suffering. Symbolic of sacrifice and willingness to partake and share in suffering.

    There is a scripture “for bodily exercise profiteth little but godliness is profitable unto all things.” (I Timothy 6:6) This is not as some might suppose a purposeful neglect of the body. In comparison to eternal life (understanding their are different world views) spiritual things have a weightier importance. However, we (whether we follow the Abrahamic/monotheistic world views or no) need to be balanced in our approach in taking care of ourselves. I would further go on to say that this would not be limited to males but applies to females as well.

    What is intriguing to me about your statement of doing something physical is how it bears witness to the spiritual. There many who will be discredited for their spirituality if their physical being is out of shape. That, apart from genetic abnormalities, serves as a negative witness and confirms ones lack of self discipline in the spiritual realm.

    Lastly, as far as what women desire I agree with your statement. I would even go on further to say, that we (females) need to stop settling and become what we want. If we want someone who is in physical shape, we need to be that; therefore, we (females) need to take up a cross and seek discomfort. This is not to imply that there are women who don’t. I had a friend who told me about a guy who wanted to date her. She was very much in shape and he was not. She said, “Look at me. Why would I want someone who is out of shape when I work hard to keep my body fit?!”

    I find that many men want women who are in shape even if they are not. In particular, those men who work out, want and in no uncertain terms will let you know they want a physically fit woman who is compatible and equal in that area.


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