She’s a lovely woman, whose beauty is still in full bloom. She wanted to talk to me, to ask for advice. She asked about things she thinks she’ll need to know “Later, when I want a husband, like you.” She and I don’t have any pretentiousness in our relationship. We have an easy freedom of conversation that’s more honest than what most men and women will ever have.
I explained to her that most men view a good woman the same way he sees his favorite old t-shirt, and that’s a good thing. I spent quite a while unpacking my reasoning with her.
I asked her about the man she’d just finished a long-term relationship with. I asked her if he had an old t-shirt, one with all the elastic in the neck stretched out, and smudges of muted color where words used to be. He did, and she complained that he always wanted to wear it. He’d wear it to the movies, to a party, around the house, anywhere. She even admitted to being caught trying to…dispose of it. Apparently, that was one of the few times he showed real anger.
She didn’t see what that had to do with anything, I told her that the way she saw the shirt he loved didn’t matter. To him, it fit perfectly, the words printed on the front were crystal clear, and the colors were just as vibrant as the day he first saw it. I told her that the shirt was most likely something he won, or was given as a reward. Perhaps from his first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament, winning a title in his baseball league, being inducted into a literary society, or as a way to say “thank you” from his students or co-workers.
No matter where he got it, to him it represents his pride in achievement. Until the day that the final strand unravels and the shirt falls off him completely, his eyes will only see it as the crisp, new symbol of his hard work and ability it was on the first day he got it. No matter how many more expensive, shiny, more fashionable shirts he’ll buy or be given as a present, that shirt will always be his first choice to wear.
Her eyes lit up, but her ego still clouded her ability to fully understand, so I went deeper as I explained that she was a crisp, new t-shirt.
The flaw in her plan to ask me for advice was assuming that there was a way for her to still achieve in a few years; after her youth, beauty, and appeal had faded, the same relationship goals that she can have now. While her beauty gives her access to the higher quality, first choice men that won’t be there as she ages.
I told her that one of the reasons some men choose to stay with a solid woman over the long haul, and consistently protect her as well as provide for her is that if she is what he wants, and makes him happy then she will be frozen in time for him. He will never ever see the stretch marks from having his children, he won’t notice any of the wrinkles in her skin, he’ll never feel the weight she gains over the years, and he will sympathize with her as the pain of menopause sets in.
Because he will only see her as the woman he saw the first day he fell in love with her.
If a woman learns to leverage her beauty and win a good man early, she will have far more security in life. Not just physical security, emotionally as well. Remember, the men that women find attractive are largely found attractive by lots of women. There will be quite a few younger, more beautiful woman who try to steal men away from other women as those men age, mature, and find more financial and social success.
I am not making a statement on any mans sexual fidelity as it relates to the beauty of the woman he commits to protect and provide for. I am, however drawing a clear line connecting the men who don’t abandon their family for the younger, prettier, less quarrelsome women that he has access to, with those men seeing the women they committed to as always beautiful. Because no matter how pretty the new shiny toy is, she will never be as beautiful as the woman who chose him to dedicate herself to early, while her beauty was still in full bloom.
I hope my friend gets to be a T-Shirt,
YusefWateef (AT) Gmail.com