Arrogant Powers Folly.

If I had picked up that last bottle of water the way I pick up girls, I wouldn’t be writing this through teeth that are clenched and grinding due to the pain in my chest!

I am a powerful man because early in my college career I became a stereotypical “gym rat”. The sound of 45-pound plates rattling and clanking in rhythm with me brings solitude and calm.



Weight-lifting is my selfish indulgence in silent meditation.

As I developed my musculature, I was careful to always be mindful not to take it for granted or try to intimidate anyone.  I was a nerd of a fat kid who had been bullied, and I decided to never become one, no matter why physical advantages I developed.

To this day I have never broken a promise to myself.

Still, my ego and only true adversary, showed me why I have to stay vigilant.

I’m writing this between twinges of pain in my sternum.

As I left my office the other day, a woman I have a great deal of respect for asked if I’d help by replacing the five-gallon tank on the water cooler.  Even if it wasn’t me who drank the last cool cup I would have done the same thing. I smiled and said “no problem”! A five-gallon jug of water weighs a shade under 42 pounds.  A weight I can and have picked up and thrown with one hand.

My ego duped me into forgetting something crucial; weights in the gym are balanced and symmetrical.

I snatched the five-gallon jug by the neck with one hand and broke no fewer than four fundamental rules of picking things up because I didn’t pick it up the way I pick up girls.

How I pick up girls is relevant. 

When I tell a girl that I am going to pick her up at a certain time for the first date it is almost always to make Bread at my house. When I first see her, I pretend that I am going to give her a hug, then I ben my knees and drop down until I am eye-level with her belly-button, wrap my arms around her (just under her butt) and pick her up into the air!

This is when most girls have a miniature panic attack.

So, I break the ice with “I told you I was picking you up at 8, didn’t I!?

(This is the worst joke she will have heard in her entire life.)

However, when at the peak of my wightlifting success, I have the neck thickness of a minotaur, arms with the coiled power of sea serpents, the torso depth of a leviathan, and thigh girth like a Japanese Mecha! All wrapped in the confidence of a man with a lifetime of accomplishment and success with girls and weights! 

She will laugh like it’s the funniest thing she will hear in her entire life!

I didn’t pick up the water with the same strategic care as I do girls and now I am suffering for it.

My buddy is as comfortable throwing flames as I am with throwing prose! As a man who works as a “haunt” engineer & designer for Haunted Houses professionally, he’d be much more frightening without the flames. At least with a flamethrower, you know where the inescapable terror is coming from!

  • I didn’t bend at the knees.

 

  • I didn’t use both hands on an object too wide for one hand to grip without strain.

 

  • I rushed.

 

I also woke up 48 hours later thinking I was having a heart-attack because the right side of my chest hurt when I inhaled!

Less than an hour after I woke up I was being examined, the doctor explained that I had a simple pull on my sternum, not a tear or bruise. She came to this clever conclusion after asking me if I have ever smoked, used drugs, or drank alcohol.  To which I replied, “No, no, & no.” Just to safe, she put her hand on my sternum and said the three words every patient fears:

“Does this hurt?”

She then proceeded to try and push her hand through my sternum like a spear! I promptly screamed, and simultaneously had to clench my butthole.   If I hadn’t, I am certain I would be the first person barred from the hospital, or under serious observation.

She smiled, sat down, and explained that heart attacks don’t hurt on the outside, muscles do.

LUCKY ME!

Now I have to take a non-narcotic pain pill every 12 hours for the next few days before I can do any weightlifting again.

When picking up girls or weights, don’t repeat my mistake. Do not become arrogant with the power we develop and remember; the basics are rules we are taught early to avoid learning painful lessons later.

If what I wrote is interesting or you enjoyed it, send $5 in BitCoin to this address.
It’ll buy me coffee to fuel my mind while I write!

1AAEBJW9gC1bt6U6UjBWS4g6A6zDLhKMCb

1AAEBJW9gC1bt6U6UjBWS4g6A6zDLhKMCb

~Watt,

YusefWateef (at) Gmail (dot) com

Bonus: When I am about to go the gym, I listen to C.T. Fletcher, he is the voice in my head when I lift!

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