I sat down for brunch at a beautiful seaside pasta restaurant in Brazil, with a new friend. She’s travelled the world and also been through the transformative process that everyone who has lived abroad knows. That’s why I was stunned when she asked me a question I’m no stranger to, but I have never heard from a fellow traveller. She asked when I’d “Settle Down”.
Jessica made a profound statement! She was talking about men, and the difficult, awkward, sometimes insulting ways they she’s been approached. When she said that after particularly insensitive comments from some men, she confronts them on their poor choice of words with ”So, I’m White enough to feed your self-hatred, but Black enough not to piss off your family?”
I was floored! After that, I asked her to really dig in and unpack her thoughts. This is what she came back with.
Self-hatred comes in several forms, from subtle to overt. It can be expressed as “woe is me” self-loathing, or it can be projected on to others in order to deflect attention. For generations, it has been common for Black Americans to practice self-hatred. It’s a common practice; a tradition rooted in slavery and passed down from parent to child.
For me its Blacksmithing, for you it may be painting, building car engines, carpentry, or pottery. Whatever it is, take on a task that leaves you with something you can sign your name to and be proud of. Even if it’s ugly! I’ve made a lot of ugly knives, but I treat them all with the same love and respect as I sharpen and shine them. I never sell them or make them for money. Instead, I give them to special friends who I want to have a priceless gift, or trade them to friends for other things they have made with their own hands. Whats made is always valued more than what’s bought!
To be a Man you have to be a predatory learner. A Mans mind must eat like the shark, always moving and looking to devour. A basic rule is to read at least one non-fiction book per month. If you read a second book, read whatever you like. Your reading a non-fiction book is like finishing your vegetables at dinner before your parents allow you to eat dessert. Remember
For Men, spirituality is a means to an end that manifests in the physical world, even though it begins and ends in his mind. Men achieve spirituality through action. These actions have the *side effect* of attracting women and being invited into the company of other successful Men. She got what she asked for, but perhaps not what she wanted.
Anais, is a friend and model from America, who’s back for a second round; Najma is a Somalian raised in Kenya who ended up in the USA as she tries to understand what motivates others while she delves into her first business venture; and Sarah is a Canadian sex educator who makes some pretty bold claims about masturbation. They all end up at my table for a talk. This gets loud! ->
Anais FW is an international model and actress with a wealth of diverse life experiences. She’s become one of the brighter stars I’ve met in Shanghai, China! In this Podcast we sit down for an afternoon tea to dig deep into gender, sex, Men, Women, and the post feminism “dating scene”. Listen up! ->